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A Personal Update

April 15, 2014
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If you go back through the archives of this blog, you’ll find actual paragraphs and stories from our lives, not just photos of Jack and a small blurb here and there of updates. The truth is, I’m not in a storytelling mood. At least, not here. And I’m not feeling the desire to be vulnerable on the internets.

But, maybe for today, I feel open to giving a personal update.

I’ve been very honest over the past 7ish years about my journey with weight loss and the struggles and triumphs I’ve had along the way. I lost a lot of weight very quickly in 2012 following a low fat/high carb vegan diet for about nine months. It was the strictest and smallest I’d ever been, including high school.

After nine months of eating brown rice, potatoes, veggies and fruit, we went to Disney World and I ate whatever I wanted and then some, I couldn’t go back to eating the vegan way after coming home. My taste buds were not having it after a week of delicious food.

And then, came a terrible cycle and lots of bad habits were formed.

I’ll do paleo. No wait, vegan made me skinny, so let’s do that again. Hey, let’s try carb-cycling. Macro-counting. South Beach. Nope, back to vegan. All in the middle of each 2-3 day attempt was a full on binge fest of unhealthy foods because I failed trying to eat well for 3 or 4 days.

I leveled out to about 140ish pounds for about a year or so. Then, December of last year came and I gained 20 pounds in one month.

Now, I ate like a crazy person that month; I’m fully aware of that and will own it, but 20 pounds in one month seems steep.

Then, the new year came and I got a stress fracture in my foot that is still healing, so no running or cardio. And I have a swollen toe on the other foot due to psoriatic arthritis.

And I’ve gained another 30 pounds since January. Right now, I’m gaining about 2-3 pounds a week, regardless of how I eat.

I’ve prided myself on “at least I’m not as heavy as I was when we got married” for a few years, but that’s no longer the case. I actually weigh more than I did in college and am inching closer and closer to what I weighed right before giving birth to Jack.

A month ago, I made an appointment with a doctor to have my thyroid tested. They called me a week later to tell me there was a problem with my thyroid and they put me on medication.

I didn’t look into it too much at the time because I was so relieved to have an answer, but since then, I’ve called to get my actual numbers so I could research exactly what was going on. I realized the my thyroid numbers showed in the “normal” range, but I had tested positive for thyroid antibodies, which after some digging online, I realized that meant I have Hashimoto’s Disease.

I’d only spoken with the lab about these things, so not much information came from them; today was the first time I’ve spoken with the doctor in person about my results and what they really mean. I knew it meant I had Hashimoto’s Disease, but to hear her audibly confirm it today and go over what it meant felt crushing.

Hashimoto’s Disease is an auto-immune disease that causes the immune system to actually launch an attack on the thyroid, one of the glands in the endocrine system responsible for metabolism. A common result of Hashimoto’s is hypothyroidism, or an under functioning thyroid. This explains symptoms I’ve had since having Jack that were always blamed on being a new mom– always exhausted, losing hair, gaining weight, brain fog, among other things.

Basically, I have two autoimmune diseases already (psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis), so it’s easy for your body to attach another one onto it. Like the other two, I’ll have this the rest of my life and will find ways to control it, not cure it, and the amount of time it will take is unknown and out of my control.

I’m on a very low dosage of synthroid right now and am waiting to see a specialist in August (the earliest I could get in!) in hopes of getting on a different medication that my current doctor will not prescribe for me. I’m also toying with a gluten free diet, especially since this makes 3 autoimmune diseases. I’ve been told that it’s uncertain when I’ll get better and it could be a long time before I lose any weight, not matter what I do or change.

So, this is what’s been going on for me for a few months. Lots of doctor visits and lab work and investigating and trying not to lose my mind over the results and my ever-growing body. It’s been a huge blow mentally, but I’m getting help with that, so I’m hopeful.

the end.

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