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September 28, 2011

**written last night

Today was a busy day, with going to the doctor and running errands. Jack never took a nap. By the time Reid got home, I was a mess and asked him to take Jack outside to play so I could pick up the house a bit.

By this point, I realized I had not had a single uninterrupted conversation all day, even with people on the phone. That I hadn’t gone to the bathroom by myself all day. That I hadn’t been in a room for longer than 2 minutes by myself all day.

During dinner, Reid had to tell me to breathe and be patient with Jack. I forget that sometimes. I just think about how tired I am of repeating myself over and over, forgetting Jack’s two.

After Jack went to bed and Reid and I had watched TV together, I went for a walk around 9 PM (with my cell phone in hand). I did this the night before, too.

It’s so good to just unwind and be alone with my thoughts and process the day. And, also, regain focus. Tonight I realized I need to accept this as my life right now with Jack. Waking up at 5:30 most days, repeating instructions, answering “what this” all day long. And realizing there will be a day when he won’t want to be around me this much. Or even a time when we won’t get to be together so much due to preschool/work/etc.

And I’m not saying Jack is bad or a nuisance. It’s me and my attitude.

And really, Jack is just so funny and cute lately. Like, when I fall asleep on the couch at 6am the other morning for a few minutes and wake up to find a naked Jack playing with his cars. (He had pooped in the potty and didn’t feel like getting dressed again, from what I gather.) And how excited he gets over simple things like passing a school bus as we’re in the car.

And now, I’m going to bed, knowing that I’ll probably be crawling in bed with Jack around 5am in hopes he’ll go back to sleep, only to find that he’s not going to and then, my day will start. And it’ll be ok.

**Update:: Jack woke up at 7!!!!! He must have known I would write this post! We’ve had a great day playing together, so far. The only downside today would be the ants taking over my living room. :/

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