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“When you get home, I’m leaving.”

December 15, 2009

That was the tail end of a conversation I had with Reid this afternoon while he was on the way home. Today started out like any other day, but in the end, I had some kind of breakdown. It reminded me of the so-called breakdowns I had when I first had Jack, but not nearly as bad.

Jack was so sweet today; so much so that I even posted on FB that I forgot he was in the room with me at one point b/c I was reading something and he was playing so quietly. As soon as I said this, we start playing together and I notice he’s rubbing his eyes, so it’s off to bed. He shrieked as if in pain, so I gave him orajel for his teethies and made sure he wasn’t hungry by offering food/bottle.

The crying went on and on and on. Backyardigans and puffs helped, but he still refused to sleep after calming down, but those tired eyes were staring back at me.

Now, before you think, “Wow, that doesn’t sound that bad.” It wasn’t THAT bad, I haven’t been sleeping great and had recently realized I hadn’t left my house since Saturday night, except to go to Publix, and I needed to shower because I smelled. I was planning to shower during the afternoon nap…but that nap never came. My life is so glamorous, eh?

And for some reason, the tears flowed. While I was rocking Jack, he actually laughed at me crying, which made me laugh.

It was one of those moments that I couldn’t figure out why I was crying, but couldn’t stop doing so.

As soon as Reid got home, I jumped in the shower to hide out and block out Jack’s whining. Stepping out of the shower, I realized I was already feeling better. Reid suggested I get out of the house and get dinner for myself so I wouldn’t have to cook and he’d just eat sandwiches.

I finally left. I was going to get a strawberry-banana smoothie, but the place I used to get them from closed down. So, I walked around a few shops there just to browse. I finally picked up a turkey burger and sweet potato fries from Baha Burger and headed home. I was completely refreshed. Driving by myself with the music blasting is calming on a day like today.

I read this tonight here and I completely agree:
“I don’t miss my job, or miss working, but I miss the girls I worked with and I miss the interaction with other people. I feel like motherhood can be a lonely job some days. I am not saying that in a bad way, but I am just saying when you go from working and being with people all day, as well as doing whatever you want after work and in the evenings, it’s just different.”

I usually keep Jack and I busy during the week. We like to walk around the Galleria or Target, or visit with friends over coffee. It’s good for me and I think it’s good for him, too.

I also haven’t been to the gym in a couple of days, and that usually helps me feel like I’ve gotten my “me time” in for the day.

Now, after typing all this, I can’t believe all that happened today because I’m already over it. I’ve even planned out our day tomorrow: I’m taking Jack to meet Santa in the morning! And we need to pick up a couple more Christmas presents.

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