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Coming out of the fog

April 16, 2009

The past two days have not been my best. Everything caught up with me all at once.

It started Monday night after we put Jack to bed and I started crying. I’m not sure why I was crying, I think it was how desperately I wanted to sleep, but also wanted to watch 24 and clean the kitchen. So, we watched 24 in bed, then went to sleep.

Later in the night, it took Jack about two hours to finish one bottle. He wasn’t fussy and wasn’t crying, he just wanted to keep eating. I, however, wanted to sleep. And that’s when I started to lose it, again. By 3 a.m. I woke Reid up so he could tend to Jack because I was done. I felt like I had nothing left in me. I went to sleep and Reid stayed up with Jack til he had to get ready for work.

After Reid left for work, Jack was up again and ready to eat. I cried the whole time I fed him. Like hysterical crying. You’d think I have the worst child ever, but really, he’s great. It’s me.

I felt overwhelmed. Didn’t want to do this anymore. Didn’t want to hold him or look at him. Extremely exhausted. Feeling like I can’t function like this. Then, I felt horrible for feeling this way about my son.

I pretty much cried the whole day. And waited for my Mom and sister to get here.

The next day (yesterday) my Mom took care of Jack the whole day. I barely saw him. I ended up sleeping most of the day. And at night, Reid and I went to the dollar theater to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. When we came home, I was still tired, but feeling better. Jack apparently missed us because he would only stop crying if Reid or I would come into his room and talk to him. So, I fed him and he slept in our room in the bassinet. He didn’t get up til 3:45 and again at 7:15. AMAZING!

I feel like a different person now, having caught up on sleep. I’m even starting to eat real food again and have a small appetite.

It may have only been two days of feeling so down, but it seemed like forever. And I know those thoughts and moments are going to happen again.

I have to remind myself that it’s only been three weeks. We’re still adjusting and my body is still recovering.

Here’s to a better day.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 16, 2009 7:54 am

    Honey, you need to tell your healthcare provider about this, there is help out there. You don’t need to “feel like this again”. Really.

    Hugs and prayers going to you.

  2. anonymous permalink
    April 16, 2009 9:57 am

    I think this is more common than you think. You should talk to your doctor if you feel this way again. You’ve been through an amazing amount of life changes in the past month.

    I don’t know you, but follow your blog, and I will be thinking about you.

  3. amymezzell permalink
    April 16, 2009 10:03 am

    Awww, I’m sorry!

  4. Holly permalink
    April 16, 2009 12:32 pm

    Oh girl…how I don’t miss those days! They did come and go. My dr said it was normal, but I needed to call her if it happened often. It’s amazing how just several hours of uninterrupted sleep can totally change your view of things. Those days are so hard.

  5. meganbhulsey permalink
    April 16, 2009 2:27 pm

    I hate that you feel that way, but it is comforting to know that I am not the only one. I have had to apologize to my daughter numerous times in the past 6 weeks for not wanting to hold her, for not wanting to hear her cry anymore, for not wanting to feed her again because my nipples were sore. But I think it is something that all new mothers go through and it will get better with time.

  6. Cammie permalink
    April 16, 2009 4:38 pm

    Girl-I’ve told you my story so you know you are not alone. I took out my frustrations on Dustin!!! There are drugs and I wish I’d asked for them-seriously!!! Don’t keep feeling like that!
    Love ya.

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