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When I Grow Up

March 19, 2009

Seeing as how I have quite a bit of time on my hands, I do a lot of blog reading. I came across a post today by Whittaker Woman that discusses the questions of “what am I meant to do, who am I?” I normally don’t read comments when there’s more than four, but I actually read most of the fifty-six comments on this post. Most of the comments relate the same feelings, but from different perspectives or different lifestyles.

I haven’t asked myself these questions in a long while only because pregnancy has consumed my thoughts. Even after pursuing my goal of personal training, I had a hard time realizing if I was satisfied with my job or not. I enjoyed my job, mostly, and felt like I was doing something worthwhile, but it wasn’t as great as I had built it up in my mind. I wonder if that’s just part of having a job; it can’t always be great. Then, getting pregnant, my focus shifted to just getting through work, so I can move on to my next phase of life- being a mom.

Right now, that’s all I can see. The worries and fears of childbirth, then having to figure out how to care for this small child on my own. Eventually, though, I think I’ll be back to the questions of “Now, what?”; trying to figure out where to work, how much to work. Until then, I’m sure I’ll have days of feeling pointless because I’ll do the same things everyday- change diapers, feed, cook, clean, put to bed, etc.

Reading the comments brings comfort only in knowing that I’m not alone in these thoughts. Even if I was doing something else, I’d probably still have these thoughts. The grass is always greener on the other side.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not sad or down right now. I’m not really even worried about these things just yet. And I’m not looking for answers, either. Just thinking.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Holly permalink
    March 19, 2009 2:18 pm

    Funny…I’ve wondered this same thing. I became a mom, and I work full time. Though, I’m still like “now what am I supposed to do?” I know Zeb and I are on our way to becoming those people we are “supposed” to be, but I think it’s always going to be this way. Sometimes I think I should just sit and enjoy who I am at the moment knowing that it will change again soon!

  2. Rebecca M. permalink
    March 19, 2009 3:50 pm

    A MUST read: The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson.

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